All About Steve (2009)

I approached All About Steve with caution upon hearing critics ripping it to shreds and some referring to it as the worst movie of the year. I wouldn't go as far as all that, but it comes pretty close. Sandra Bullock plays Mary Horowitz, a woman who still lives with her parents, is socially awkward (because she's so freakin' smart, duh!), is the crossword puzzle designer for a local newspaper and speaks with a sort of lisp that makes me think she's a Parseltongue, but if you can get past that then good job, because I couldn't. She is set up on a blind date by her parents when who comes to the door? Steve (played by Bradley Cooper) who would NEVER, EVER in anyone's lifetime need to go on a blind date...ever. They show Steve earlier in the movie in the same office as Bullock's character, all the while not fully explaining the connection. She looks longingly over at him while he's surrounded by coworkers celebrating... I have no idea what. Do they work for the same newspaper? Doesn't seem so since Steve is a cameraman for one of the local news stations. This part confuses me and I'm derailed in the first 15 minutes of the film. Is this an unrequited love reminiscent of 27 Dresses? Couldn't tell you. As soon as Mary gets in Steve's car she jumps his bones. Cooper, attractive as he is does not warrant this type of behavior. No offense, but he's no Brad or George. Regardless, he acts as any warm blooded man and doesn't care whether or not he really knows the girl; all he knows is that he's goin' to get laid. This may be the most honest part in the entire movie. Right before consummation (in front of her parents house BTW, ick) Steve realizes how clearly psycho Mary is and this is, understandably, a complete turnoff. He kicks her out of the car with her still smitten, and takes off. She then loses her job by turning in an "inspired" crossword where all the answers are related to Steve. (Barf) She sees her unemployment as a message telling her she needs to follow Steve around the country with his news crew (who appears later in the movie than they probably should have) consisting of Thomas Hayden Church as news reporter, Hartman Hughes; and Angus played by Ken Jeong in one of his lesser than amusing roles since he was given all of maybe a handful of lines. Clearly Jeong's talents were not utilized appropriately. Maybe if they had been this movie would have been comical as opposed to awkward and uncomfortable. She follows them, at one point, from the mountainous terrain of Oklahoma City (which, btw, if you've ever been to OKC you would know that it is completely FLAT. Being a Native Oklahoman I find this disgusting misrepresentation of my hometown disturbing and unforgivable) to Galveston (about a seven hour drive, but somehow they get from place to place, more than just the two I listed, in what seems to be the span of a single day with no reference to a flux capacitor or the like) by the encouragement of Mr. Hughes. They end up at a carnival where a rescue mission is taking place due to a clan of deaf kids who have fallen into a cavern in the earth. All are rescued when Mary finally arrives and runs towards Steve when to her dismay SHE then succumbs to the same fate as her hearing impaired comrades and falls through the hole. Are we suppose to believe that the proper authorities are so careless as to not post signs of caution or even rope off the area, no less, where there is imminent danger? I guess so. Luckily for the authorities, while down in the hole Mary finds that there has been one child that was left. Hello, buddy system?! None of the other children or their guardians notice they're one less? Mary, plus one, is rescued after a LONG delay. It took longer for those two to get rescued than it did the group of kids. And they were only rescued by Mary's knowledge of physics, NOT by the idiots on the outside staring at the hole in the ground. Good things about this movie? Hmm... The message is good: You are the perfect you, don't change for anybody, blah, blah, blah... THC is good as the self absorbed reporter. Too bad he sports a pair of camo pants that make him look like he pissed himself. Which is what he probably did as soon as he realized how bad this movie was going to be.

Bottom Line:  Miss it.  The good looks in this film (see Cooper, Bullock and Church) are not enough to support it.